The Forest Of Obscurite was dark. Not just dim, or a little gloomy, but dark. Swallowing her pride Tara allowed for Greth to lead the way and kept close, doing her best to stay in the puddle of light from his torch.
“Watch your footing,” he’d warned her. “Nothing like this bitch to send you down cliffs you wouldn’t even know existed till you’re fallin’. She’s a clever one.”
“She?” Tara asked, crouching next to him as he’d checked the horses were tied up properly.
“She,” he’d nodded, checks finished.
“You act like it’s a person.”
“Who said it’s not?”
Carol,
I like the idea of a sentient forest. That could lead to a whole series of geographical adventures. 🙂 Now, can she be reasoned with though?
-David
I’ve actually used characters from one of my novels in this piece. The prompt reminded me that I never finished my ideas for the forest in the book properly and the image Rochelle provided sparked some fantastic imagery in my own mind.
Dear Carol,
I, too like the sentient forest. I felt like I was there. Good job.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Thank you Rochelle, I really enjoyed the prompt and writing something in a world I don’t spend enough time on. The prompt has actually sparked a few ideas, it should keep me in stories for a week at least.
I love the way you captured the feeling of a forest itself being alive, especially after dark
Than you. 😀 Though a forest is always technically alive since it trees respire.
Nice POV. The ‘she’ could also be a forest spirit.
Indeed it could. I have toyed with the idea of a dyrad of a hamadyrad.
Quite an ambience of dreadful anticipation. Nice work. (Typo in’ you’re footing’.) 😉
Thanks for the typo spot, I’ll sort it now, and thank you for the comment. I’m glad that was the feeling you got from the piece.
Perception makes all the difference. Reads like something from “Supernatural.”
janet
That is an awesome compliment.
I like the personification of the forest…reminds me of Mirkwood from JRR Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings. Well done!
ooh mysterious. loved it 🙂
Thank you. Now I just need to finish writing the rest of the novel.
Good story and it is creepy in that forest. Thanks, Nan 🙂
Thank you for the comment, you always have something lovely to say and I appreciate it. 😀
awesome and imaginative. 🙂
Thank you very much. I hope the same can be said of the rest of my writing. 😀
And of course if she is a person she is a she. 🙂
Indeed.
A very mysterious and dark tale. I like the subtle under current flowing through the narrative, well done.
Dee
PS In the sentence ‘…Tara allowed for Greth to lead the way…’ you don’t need the ‘for’ and would have had an extra word.
Where would I have used it though! Oh my, the endless possibilities.
Thanks for the advice, I’ll keep it in mind when I write the chapter up. 😀
I know, I wasn’t sure if I should mention it, it’s happened to me and I’ve had the sane quandary. 🙂
This is a good story. I loved the phrase you used “puddle of light” and it had a nice twist at the end. You banner is spectacular btw!
Thank you, it’s the gate into the old veg garden. Took me ages to settle on that photo.
I’m glad you enjoyed the story.
Yay sentient forest and hooray for great dialogue! Nicely done.
Thank you very much, I always love to hear that the dialogue in my work reads well.
A forest like this reminds me of Snow white or Tolkien.. I like the fact that you made it into a she instead of the old man willow…
Thank you, the idea is from one of my first set of ideas for the novel ‘Obscuite’ which then became ‘Darkened Daughter’.
spooky!
Glad you think so. 😀
This is excellent Carol, I love this style of story where you are left with a question at the end with so many other questions unanswered. Well done I enjoyed this one very much.
I’m glad you enjoyed it, and thank you for a wonderful comment. 😀
I, too, thought “puddle of light” was great. Makes the light seem very three dimensional.
Thank you very much. I’ll keep in mind that it worked when I write up the full chapter.
Good story. That’s a place I wouldn’t want to be at night, even in the day. A forest that doesn’t like people is scary. Well done.
Thank you, though I’m not sure if I’m going to have it that the forest dislikes all people. Perhaps just most, or perhaps just men.
Excellent story! I love the mysterious, poetic feel to your writing. Your verb tenses were a little confusing, though. Instead of mixing past perfect (he’d warned, he’d checked, he’d nodded) with past (she asked), stick with plain old past (he warned, checked, nodded/she asked). It will place your characters in the same time and make the whole wonderful story more urgent as the reader walks with them through this forest!
I’ll keep your advice in mind when I write up the full chapter. Thanks for the comment, I’m glad you enjoyed the style of my writing. 😀
What a thrilling and contemplative story! I can definitely sense her anxiety. Whenever I’m near a steep drop-off, my mind is always flooded with all the ways I could call to my death. And to have nature plotting against her…Whew, not a great situation! Awesome post!
Than you very much, I’m glad you enjoyed it. Let’s hope I can keep the same quality when I write up the novel.
“She”–the forest, Nature, Earth—lots of possibilities. Nice atmosphere in this 🙂
Thank you very much.
You have the beginnings of a fun, spooky flash here.
Cheers!
MG
It’s going to be part of a chapter in a novel. I just need to finish Henry Granger first.
Nicely done!
Thanks!
I love the way you spelled it in the address, Tay.
I’m stuck between the two versions. Not sure which one I will use in the novel yet.
A really interesting start to the novel. It bodes well.
I’m glad you think so. It probably won’t be the opening though.
Yep, I think we do need to pay attention – the trees are alive, after all….
Exactly, all writers can do is make them sentient also. Or perhaps we only think that.
Interesting tale. The picture certainly lends itself to anthropomorphism of the trees. You have a quotation mark at the end of the sentence that ends with the word properly. Shouldn’t be there.
Thank you for pointing out the blip, it’s slightly horrifying to think I’ve missed when proofing. I think I might need to get the site an editor.
*Sigh*, maybe when I actually make money from my writing.
Nice feeling, to walk into the arms of a forest …