Used With Permission – copyright kanzensakura all rights reserved
I was resilient you said. No matter the ice, no matter it’s sharpness, my flesh stayed whole and I withstood the chill of always having wet feet. You claimed to see a beauty in it. Some sort of artwork in me soaked to the bone, ribs like claws pressing out at you, wanting to gouge a layer from that smile.
Your perfect flower, your perfect, untouched bloom. I would have ripped the petals from my lips if I thought it meant I might find some way of spitting broken words like rusty knives into you. There was no measure, no way for me to slide down this scale of frozen charms into something more real.
Carol J Forrester is a writer and a history geek. Her debut collection 'It's All In The Blood' came out November 2019.
She has a 2:1 BA degree in history from Bath Spa University, enjoys judo at least twice a week, and tries to attend poetry events around the Midlands when she can.
Her flash fiction story ‘Glorious Silence’ was named as River Ram Press’ short story of the month for August 2014 and her short story ‘A Visit From The Fortune Teller’ has been showcased on the literary site Ink Pantry. Her poems ‘Sunsets’ and ‘Clear Out‘ were featured on Eyes Plus Words, and two of her poems were included in the DVerse Poets Pub Publication ‘Chiaroscuro’ which is available for purchase on amazon.Her poem ‘Until The Light Gets In‘ was accepted and published at The Drabble and her poem ‘Newborn’ was published by Ink Sweat & Tears.
She has been lucky enough to write guest posts for sites such as Inky Tavern and Song of The Forlorn and has hosted a number of guest bloggers on her site Writing and Works.
View all posts by Carol J Forrester
38 Comments
Wow. I do like this different feel of this haibun. You personified the flower in the snow wonderfully. The senryu at the end totally does its job in emphasizing the prose. Again, wow. The second sentence in the second paragraph – I like that gritty perfect flower! Thank you so much for participating in this.
Thank you for the comment. I didn’t want to write something this dark to be honest, but it was the only one that seemed to work when I was trying to get the words down.
So many times our muse steers us. If you want to do another, the link is up for seven days, but I like this post. We once had to write a “humorous” poem. Mine came out really dark and creepy, LOL. Sometimes, that is the way it goes. I especially like the irony in this because kanzen sakura means: perfect cherry blossom.
What darkness in your words.. the diamond prison is really something to get from that image… like an abusive relationship you have described the image of the emotions so well…
This is very moving. The tension and anger at what on the surface was a compliment (“I was resilient you said. . . .”) are palpable. Nice take on the prompt. Peace, Linda
Wow, Carol. You took the prompt to a whole new level–personification worked so well in this. Surprising the beauty that can emerge in the midst of adversity.
Wow you’re from Cheshire. So very cool. Is it the best this time of year as everyone told me that springtime I was there?
Love this haibun. That gilded cage, that ivory tower seems more desperate here. The flower that dared to bloom against her will. Very effective. Thank you!
So love your perspective of speaking from the flower’s point of view. No one likes to be put on a pedestal and given empty accolades… “My diamond prison”…excellent haiku.
A diamond prison……..your take on this delivers to the chill, the coldness, the freezing of the photo, rather than the softer side. Like a prism, it is all in how one looks through the looking glass. Excellent piece from the darker side.
Thank you. As I said before, I really didn’t intend to go down the darker side, I just sorted ended up there wandering around and wondering how the heck I’d managed to get in so deep.
Wow. I do like this different feel of this haibun. You personified the flower in the snow wonderfully. The senryu at the end totally does its job in emphasizing the prose. Again, wow. The second sentence in the second paragraph – I like that gritty perfect flower! Thank you so much for participating in this.
Thank you for the comment. I didn’t want to write something this dark to be honest, but it was the only one that seemed to work when I was trying to get the words down.
So many times our muse steers us. If you want to do another, the link is up for seven days, but I like this post. We once had to write a “humorous” poem. Mine came out really dark and creepy, LOL. Sometimes, that is the way it goes. I especially like the irony in this because kanzen sakura means: perfect cherry blossom.
I did not know that and thanks. I might write another and link it up in a day or two.
What darkness in your words.. the diamond prison is really something to get from that image… like an abusive relationship you have described the image of the emotions so well…
Thank you. I would have liked to write something lighter but I can always give it another go in a day or two and see where that takes me.
Living Flowers
GloWsNow
PInk…
Other Flowers..
froZen
cOld..:)
This is very moving. The tension and anger at what on the surface was a compliment (“I was resilient you said. . . .”) are palpable. Nice take on the prompt. Peace, Linda
Wow, Carol. You took the prompt to a whole new level–personification worked so well in this. Surprising the beauty that can emerge in the midst of adversity.
Thank you Victoria. It’s always great to hear such positive feedback.
What poetry of passion – I am left aghast.
I’m glad I can make an impact. 🙂
Very dark but very effective telling of a relationship ~ The haiku line of my diamond prison, is my favorite line ~
It does look like it’s been a very popular line. Thank you for commenting.
Wow you’re from Cheshire. So very cool. Is it the best this time of year as everyone told me that springtime I was there?
Love this haibun. That gilded cage, that ivory tower seems more desperate here. The flower that dared to bloom against her will. Very effective. Thank you!
Well it’s not quite Spring so at the moment it’s quite damp and soggy.
So love your perspective of speaking from the flower’s point of view. No one likes to be put on a pedestal and given empty accolades… “My diamond prison”…excellent haiku.
Thank you. I was worried it would come across as too melodramatic so it’s good to hear that people are enjoying it.
Not a single sentence was wasted in this haibun. You described the picture and elaborated on a deep and dark relationship.
I’m glad you think so. There weren’t many words to work with so I was trying to make each one count.
Something sinister revealed by a dark anger here…”I would have ripped the petals from my lips” creates strong image…chilling!
Thank you. It was quite interesting playing around with the imagery in this one.
Strong, dark, angry, pulsating images and language – would never have expected it from that picture, but it’s intense and very readable!
I’m not sure I entirely expected it either. Thank you for the comment.
As the reader, I became the person described. Your stark and passionate images just pulled me in. Who hasn’t felt similarly?
It’s great to hear that. Thanks for commenting.
My pleasure!
I can only repeat: Wow!
🙂
Very moving write and the haiku is point on.
Thank you.
A diamond prison……..your take on this delivers to the chill, the coldness, the freezing of the photo, rather than the softer side. Like a prism, it is all in how one looks through the looking glass. Excellent piece from the darker side.
Thank you. As I said before, I really didn’t intend to go down the darker side, I just sorted ended up there wandering around and wondering how the heck I’d managed to get in so deep.
The “realness” of this haibun is moving … the haiku with its diamond prison burns the haibun into my mind .. fantastic write!
Thank you. 🙂
Wow, full of verve, passion and drama.
Thank you.