Poetry
Comments 38

Flower: Haibun Monday

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Used With Permission – copyright kanzensakura all rights reserved

 

I was resilient you said. No matter the ice, no matter it’s sharpness, my flesh stayed whole and I withstood the chill of always having wet feet. You claimed to see a beauty in it. Some sort of artwork in me soaked to the bone, ribs like claws pressing out at you, wanting to gouge a layer from that smile.

Your perfect flower, your perfect, untouched bloom. I would have ripped the petals from my lips if I thought it meant I might find some way of spitting broken words like rusty knives into you. There was no measure, no way for me to slide down this scale of frozen charms into something more real.

My diamond prison

limb on limb folded about

until the joints crack.

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This entry was posted in: Poetry

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Carol Forrester is a twenty-three year old writer trying to be a better one. Don’t ask her what her hobbies are because the list doesn’t get much beyond, reading, writing and talking about the same. She has a 2:1 BA degree in history from Bath Spa University and various poems and stories scattered across the net. Her flash fiction story ‘Glorious Silence’ was named as River Ram Press’ short story of the month for August 2014 and her short story ‘A Visit From The Fortune Teller’ has been showcased on the literary site Ink Pantry’s. Most recently, her poem ‘Sunsets’ was featured on Eyes Plus Words, and her personal blog Writing and Works hosts a mass of writing from across the last five years. She has been lucky enough to write guest posts for sites such as Inky Tavern and Song of The Forlorn and is always open to writing more and hosting guest bloggers here on Writing and Works. With hopes of publishing a novel in the next five years and perhaps a collection or two of smaller works, Carol Forrester is nothing if not ambitious. Her writing tries to cover every theme in human life and a lot of her work pulls inspiration from her own eccentric family in the rural wonders of Shropshire life.

38 Comments

  1. Wow. I do like this different feel of this haibun. You personified the flower in the snow wonderfully. The senryu at the end totally does its job in emphasizing the prose. Again, wow. The second sentence in the second paragraph – I like that gritty perfect flower! Thank you so much for participating in this.

    • Thank you for the comment. I didn’t want to write something this dark to be honest, but it was the only one that seemed to work when I was trying to get the words down.

      • So many times our muse steers us. If you want to do another, the link is up for seven days, but I like this post. We once had to write a “humorous” poem. Mine came out really dark and creepy, LOL. Sometimes, that is the way it goes. I especially like the irony in this because kanzen sakura means: perfect cherry blossom.

  2. What darkness in your words.. the diamond prison is really something to get from that image… like an abusive relationship you have described the image of the emotions so well…

  3. This is very moving. The tension and anger at what on the surface was a compliment (“I was resilient you said. . . .”) are palpable. Nice take on the prompt. Peace, Linda

  4. Wow, Carol. You took the prompt to a whole new level–personification worked so well in this. Surprising the beauty that can emerge in the midst of adversity.

  5. Very dark but very effective telling of a relationship ~ The haiku line of my diamond prison, is my favorite line ~

  6. Wow you’re from Cheshire. So very cool. Is it the best this time of year as everyone told me that springtime I was there?

    Love this haibun. That gilded cage, that ivory tower seems more desperate here. The flower that dared to bloom against her will. Very effective. Thank you!

  7. So love your perspective of speaking from the flower’s point of view. No one likes to be put on a pedestal and given empty accolades… “My diamond prison”…excellent haiku.

  8. gerbilette says

    Not a single sentence was wasted in this haibun. You described the picture and elaborated on a deep and dark relationship.

  9. Something sinister revealed by a dark anger here…”I would have ripped the petals from my lips” creates strong image…chilling!

  10. Strong, dark, angry, pulsating images and language – would never have expected it from that picture, but it’s intense and very readable!

  11. A diamond prison……..your take on this delivers to the chill, the coldness, the freezing of the photo, rather than the softer side. Like a prism, it is all in how one looks through the looking glass. Excellent piece from the darker side.

    • Thank you. As I said before, I really didn’t intend to go down the darker side, I just sorted ended up there wandering around and wondering how the heck I’d managed to get in so deep.

  12. The “realness” of this haibun is moving … the haiku with its diamond prison burns the haibun into my mind .. fantastic write!

  13. Pingback: Winter Haibun | Writing and Works

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