Short Stories & Flash Fiction
Comments 23

Out Of Sight

‘You worked things out then?’ she asked, stretched out long and lithe on the blanket beside me.

I plucked at the dead leaves beside us. Focusing on their half broken frames. Better them than her.

She took another drag and raised an eyebrow.

‘Well?’

‘Tomorrow,’ I promised, just like I had the last time we were here, naked and damp with the dusk closing in around the empty windows. Teenagers had tagged the insides of the building until all you could see were curses and slanted signatures scrawled across the concrete.

I don’t have to look to know she’s frowning.

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This entry was posted in: Short Stories & Flash Fiction

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Carol J Forrester is a writer trying to be a better one. She’s currently working on her first novel ‘Darkened Daughter’ and attempting to put together a collection of poetry in the hopes of submitting to publication in 2020. She has a 2:1 BA degree in history from Bath Spa University, enjoys judo at least twice a week, and tries to attend poetry events around the Midlands. Her flash fiction story ‘Glorious Silence’ was named as River Ram Press’ short story of the month for August 2014 and her short story ‘A Visit From The Fortune Teller’ has been showcased on the literary site Ink Pantry. Her poem ‘Sunsets’ was featured on Eyes Plus Words, and two of her poems were included in the DVerse Poets Pub Publication ‘Chiaroscuro’ which is available for purchase on amazon. More recently her poem ‘Until The Light Gets In‘ was accepted and published at The Drabble and her poem ‘Newborn’ was published by Ink Sweat & Tears. She has been lucky enough to write guest posts for sites such as Inky Tavern and Song of The Forlorn and has hosted a number of guest bloggers here on Writing and Works.

23 Comments

  1. This has latitude. It seems to expand and inhale slowly. I’m going to read this again to see how you did that

      • okay. here’s what I think:

        “‘You worked things out then?”
        Hooks us in with a puzzle
        “stretched out long and lithe on the blanket beside me.”
        The words “stretched”, “long” and “lithe” create an illusion of space
        “Better them than her.”
        An unspoken sense of tension and potential violence
        “She took another drag and raised an eyebrow.
        ‘Well?’”
        Is a luxurious expenditure of words in a 100 word budget. You’re not hurrying
        “‘Tomorrow,’ I promised, just like I had the last time we were here,”
        Extension of time into the future and the past
        “I don’t have to look to know she’s frowning.”
        A return to the mystery, which is never going to be solved. It extends into the past of the story and into its future

  2. Terrific piece. Enjoyed the mystery, and the way the characters were revealed through sparse dialogue. Good one.

  3. Great sense of mystery and an unresolvable conflict. The relationship between the characters rings with uncertainties and tension. How fascinating to read Neil’s analysis above.

  4. mickwynn2013 says

    Full of undercurrent and mystery, leaves you wanting more.

  5. This is great, and I also enjoyed the analysis above, what a great way to teach how your writing works. I don’t see much of a future for this couple.

      • It’s going well. I’m still a far cry from anything I could post anywhere, but I so enjoy the interaction and supportive atmosphere. Camp Plot Bunny is a great camp. 😀

  6. I was left puzzled, entertained and slightly annoyed by this one. Puzzled by the mystery, entertained by the quality and annoyed it wasn’t longer. Well done. 🙂

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