Thunder always precedes the storm.
wild and roaring,
an opening show
with the rest of you hiding
beyond the horizon
where the clouds were darker
packed and swirling
lightening flaring in the rips
that couldn’t be sewn together.
Gone in a flash.
I haven’t been writing very much for this blog over the last few weeks so thank you to those readers who keep coming back. Every time I sit down at the moment to write, I end up thinking of John and he ends up in my writing which is why I’ve been so absent.
I was going to dedicate a post about mental health to him today since it’s World Mental Health Day but in the end I couldn’t face writing it. Part of the problem with sitting down to write and him being the only thing I want to write about, is that it makes me want to curl up and ignore everything. It makes the world seem unreal and unbalanced.
John was diagnosed with a borderline personality disorder a while back but he didn’t tell me until this year. I don’t know much about it, only that in the last couple of years it made his life really difficult and the prescriptions he was on didn’t seem to help.
So he went looking for answers himself and instead of finding them he tumbled into a rabbit hole that he would never climb out of.
On the 30th August he accidentally ended his life.
Poetry, for a lot of us, is how we process our emotions and how we work through them.
So for the man who called one of my earliest, and possibly crappiest poems ‘a work of genius’, I give him this Quadrille and all the other poems I’ve been writing for the last month and a bit.
I miss you John, rest in peace.