Scribbles From Life
Comments 4

Fake It Till You Make It – Not Letting Nerves Destroy You

When I get nervous I feel physically sick. This weight drops in my stomach, the back of my neck begins to prickle, and I feel like I want to leap out of my own skin. Sometimes I get to the point where I feel like I might start vibrating on the spot there’s so much nervous energy whirling around inside me. That’s how I feel every time I start to think about finishing my book and starting to look for literary agents. When the chance to submit to a poetry competition crosses my desk. When I ask someone to pass an opinion on my writing.

Nerves are just something that I’ve had to learn to live with.

As I’ve got older I’ve managed to reign them in a bit. The first two days of secondary school were hell mostly because of my nerves, and the way that they made me feel like I was about to puke my guts up at any second. These days I’m able to remind myself that it’s okay to be nervous, but it’s not okay to let those things get in the way of what I want to do. It doesn’t always work, but I’m great at pretending I’m confident in situations where I’m actually scared witless. Have you heard of the phrase ‘fake it till you make it?’ Well that is something of a moto for me. Fake like you know it until you do. Fake like you’re a kick-arse, no bullshit taking, cool as chips chick until I am.

I don’t know if it always comes across that way, but I try.

Writing is one of the areas in my life where I’ve learnt that they can be no room for my nerves. If they’re the thing holding me back from hitting publish then I should click that little blue button all the harder. If they’re telling me that I might not be good enough to enter that poetry competition then I should be trying to prove them wrong. If they want to freeze up at the idea I might actually finish this novel within the month then open that laptop and get writing!

If my nerves are holding me back then I’ve got to fight all the harder and go for it because I do not want to be kicking myself fifty years down the line wishing I’d taken more risks when I had the chance.

It doesn’t always work. The first time I went to judo a few months ago I froze in the doorway and almost turned around to head back to the car. That sick feeling, the prickles, I had it all and stepping into the room seemed impossible. I made myself though. It was one of the reasons I decided to take judo up. It was something I’d never done and something I knew I’d find hard to get myself to do at first. It involved new people, a new sport, a new environment. Three things that set off every alarm possible in my head. But once the first session was over and I walked out of there, I felt good about myself. I felt proud that the nerves hadn’t conquered me.

That one incident didn’t cure me. The idea of doing a grading is still enough to bring all those lovely symptoms rushing back, but I’m hoping I’ll get there in the end. The people I do judo with are lovely and supportive, and the coach is such a friendly guy that I don’t worry about looking like an idiot in front of him.

My nerves are something I battle on almost a daily basis, but I’m learning ways to push past the fear and do things that I’m finding I love.

It’s not easy. It’s downright difficult and exhausting at time.

But it’s worth it.

So very, very worth it.

 

This entry was posted in: Scribbles From Life

by

Carol Forrester is a twenty-three year old writer trying to be a better one. Don’t ask her what her hobbies are because the list doesn’t get much beyond, reading, writing and talking about the same. She has a 2:1 BA degree in history from Bath Spa University and various poems and stories scattered across the net. Her flash fiction story ‘Glorious Silence’ was named as River Ram Press’ short story of the month for August 2014 and her short story ‘A Visit From The Fortune Teller’ has been showcased on the literary site Ink Pantry’s. Most recently, her poem ‘Sunsets’ was featured on Eyes Plus Words, and her personal blog Writing and Works hosts a mass of writing from across the last five years. She has been lucky enough to write guest posts for sites such as Inky Tavern and Song of The Forlorn and is always open to writing more and hosting guest bloggers here on Writing and Works. With hopes of publishing a novel in the next five years and perhaps a collection or two of smaller works, Carol Forrester is nothing if not ambitious. Her writing tries to cover every theme in human life and a lot of her work pulls inspiration from her own eccentric family in the rural wonders of Shropshire life.

4 Comments

  1. “Fake it till you make it” is definitely something athletes in performing sports are told! Ha ha – it’s not easy overcoming nerves, but I think at some point you just have “not care” what people are thinking of you, which will greatly help as well 🙂

  2. I enjoyed reading this post. My life all through out school was exactly like this. To the point where when it was my turn to present a speech in front of my class I would go running to the bathroom instead because I would feel sick. It’s definitely something you have to work on to make life easier.

    • Surprisingly I’m not too bad with speeches and presentations. As long as I’m prepared they don’t make me nervous. It’s the new things that really throw me. It’s good to hear that I’m not the only one who get that sick in the pit of your stomach feeling though.

  3. After completely hashing it up with anxiety last year, I find myself myself having this conversation more and more. It’s a good one to have, it keeps you on the tracks (as does the beta blockers. I’m seriously in love with the stuff XD). But it’s also good to see the silver linings, in accepting and being aware of the nerves, you’re giving yourself more material to play with. And when balanced properly, it does make you Badass (I owe many a first to anxiety fueled night-before-deadlines XD) xxx

Please take the time to tell me what you think, I love receiving feedback. :)

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s