Some days it’s like you’ve only just slipped through my fingers.
I’m still grasping for the tail-end of a thread,
trying to haul you back up, back to me
and everyone you left.
I feel guilty for the hollowness in my chest,
as if I don’t deserve to miss you this much.
I don’t believe I deserve to miss you this much
because I should have realised the acres of spaces you occupied
inside my head and heart
before the phone call rang in from your mother
and every worst fear was came crashing in like thunder.
For John
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Published by Carol J Forrester
Carol J Forrester is a writer and a history geek. Her debut collection 'It's All In The Blood' came out November 2019.
She has a 2:1 BA degree in history from Bath Spa University, enjoys judo at least twice a week, and tries to attend poetry events around the Midlands when she can.
Her flash fiction story ‘Glorious Silence’ was named as River Ram Press’ short story of the month for August 2014 and her short story ‘A Visit From The Fortune Teller’ has been showcased on the literary site Ink Pantry. Her poems ‘Sunsets’ and ‘Clear Out‘ were featured on Eyes Plus Words, and two of her poems were included in the DVerse Poets Pub Publication ‘Chiaroscuro’ which is available for purchase on amazon.Her poem ‘Until The Light Gets In‘ was accepted and published at The Drabble and her poem ‘Newborn’ was published by Ink Sweat & Tears.
She has been lucky enough to write guest posts for sites such as Inky Tavern and Song of The Forlorn and has hosted a number of guest bloggers on her site Writing and Works.
View all posts by Carol J Forrester
Very moved by this piece, having experienced loss it describes perfectly the empty space left behind .
Thank you. It’s such an odd experience that I wasn’t sure I’d be able to put it into words properly.
Well you did a fantastic job 😊
Wow…. incredibly written and received, keep doing what you do, never is a space empty, because it cannot be replaced.
Thank you. That’s an interesting thought.
And so the pain of loss lingers on. And that is what happens when we love. Maybe love can be a bit too much, but it’s better than building a wall around our hearts.
You never know what you’ve got till it’s gone. Powerful piece.
Some losses echo forever.
I know this feeling too well. The emptiness and loss of a loved one. The pain gets deeper and the hurt in our stomach is unbearable.
I know exactly how you feel…I’m still going through it myself. 😦
Very emotional and moving poem.
Incredible the guilt we feel experiencing real pain. You wrote it well.
All of the above, Carol. I’m still up and down all the time since Mum died in January, and Dad’s anniversary is coming up next week. Your poem has touched me deeply.
I was very touched by your line about how you should have known how many acres of space were taken up in your head and heart by your friend before his death. I don’t know if we can know that calculation before hand. Thanks for sharing such a personal experience, Carol, I’m sorry for your loss.
Fears do seem to crash in like thunder when they are realized.
I am so sorry for your loss 😦 this is a touching poem..
Thank you.
A lovely expression of the emptiness that’s left after losing someone near and dear. Well said.
Beautiful!
The value of a thing is never as evident as after said thing–or person–leaves us, when we get to see the nothingness filling the hole that it used to occupy. This poem touches deeply…
Poignant!
Perhaps you can embrace the hollowness for what it is…a reality…a space that you did hold for this person.It would not be there otherwise nor would it speak as it has with such a depth.
“I feel guilty for the hollowness in my chest” makes me think of a poem I just posted by a wonderful poet. It is titled ‘Hollow Heart’ and I hope you will read it and think of how loss may be trying to fill itself.
A heartfelt poem with a graceful cadence. Thanks for posting!
There is such a sense of loss and sadness here. These lines are especially meaningful I think:
“I’m still grasping for the tail-end of a thread,
trying to haul you back up, back to me
and everyone you left.”
I’m a knitter so I understand pulling that thread/yarn back up….you’ve described that feeling so well with this image.
Powerful piece. I empathize with the regret and guilt you expressed.