I can find you in the hammering between my heartbeats,
that moment of tightness when my breath stutters for a pause
my fingers tighten on the seams of my trousers and I can’t let go,
the split second where the world reduces to a pin-head.
When the oxygen leaves a room your chest hollows.
It is not a pleasant experiences, it’s both pain sharp and crushing.
It’s not my pulse in my ears but a waterfall exploding
threatening to burst me open like a balloon stretch too thin.
That is when I find you in the back of my mind,
when I feel your hands against my shoulders
and your strength against my spine.
Old conversations saved up like pennies rattle loose
until their weight is enough to keep me grounded
until my lungs catch up with my breath .
We’re writing a non-metered, non rhyming sonnet tonight at the dVerse Poets Pub. I’m hoping my attempt is close enough to count as a response to the prompt but I’ll let someone else be the judge of that.
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Published by Carol J Forrester
Carol J Forrester is a writer and a history geek. Her debut collection 'It's All In The Blood' came out November 2019.
She has a 2:1 BA degree in history from Bath Spa University, enjoys judo at least twice a week, and tries to attend poetry events around the Midlands when she can.
Her flash fiction story ‘Glorious Silence’ was named as River Ram Press’ short story of the month for August 2014 and her short story ‘A Visit From The Fortune Teller’ has been showcased on the literary site Ink Pantry. Her poems ‘Sunsets’ and ‘Clear Out‘ were featured on Eyes Plus Words, and two of her poems were included in the DVerse Poets Pub Publication ‘Chiaroscuro’ which is available for purchase on amazon.Her poem ‘Until The Light Gets In‘ was accepted and published at The Drabble and her poem ‘Newborn’ was published by Ink Sweat & Tears.
She has been lucky enough to write guest posts for sites such as Inky Tavern and Song of The Forlorn and has hosted a number of guest bloggers on her site Writing and Works.
View all posts by Carol J Forrester
This is a wonderful response Carol… Especially the first stanza and the reassurance of love in the concluding one… fine fine work
Thank you Bjorn. That means a lot coming from you.
That sudden rising fear, you described it so well. But this was my favourite bit-Old conversations saved up like pennies rattle loose
until their weight is enough to keep me grounded
until my lungs catch up with my breath.
I like the old conversations stacking up like loose pennies. Lots of imagery in this well-written poem.
I like this, Carol, especially how you get right into it with the first line and come back in the last.
I appreciate the details of the split second…until we can come up for air ~
That split second images and the comfort of remembrance make a poignant contrast. Nice.
The first stanza is wonderfully ambiguous as it conveys the excitement (and anxiety) of new love as well as the feelings of a relationship gone wrong, leaving the meaning to the reader. I love the rhythm in the phrase ‘hammering between my heartbeats’ and my breath stutters for a pause’. The fingers tightening on the trouser seams is original and so well observed. I love the lines:
‘It’s not my pulse in my ears but a waterfall exploding
threatening to burst me open like a balloon stretch too thin’.
The volta is beautifully done, quiet and gentle, and that final stanza blew me away.
Wonderful imagery throughout and as others have said a delicate essence forms from the volta onwards.
Killer volta, terrific sonnet–a grand souffle of sensuality & ambiguity. Enjoyed it very much–so many great views of Love out here on the trail–Neruda must be smiling–as is Bjorn.
I love every single word of this
Well-expressed, Carol. Can feel the intensity…
Excellent sonnet, Carol. It’s intensity was almost painful, with a stellar last stanza.
Wow..heartfelt indeed! It takes skill to craft a sonnet as well as you did here with such feeling.
A spot-on description of a panic attack (to my mind) and the desperate reaching out to the one person that can calm you. Very moving.
It sounded like a real heart attack to me, albeit not fatal (perhaps angina) and the gradual calming helped by remembering a good, wise friend.
I love the last stanza – so calm. the anticipation in the first stanza, the fear, everything comes together so well in this. And yes, you nailed it!
This is wonderful, such passion and power.