I pretended not to hate you last night,
knees pressed into your pelvis like stone fists,
your cold, clever lips there against my wrist
with promises you would make things alright
once the morning at last brought home some light
and you could show me why we must persist,
how without you, I would barely exist,
and why it was pointless for me to fight.
But I kept count of those lies and those kisses.
every feathered touch up, along my ire,
and each time I should have taken your tongue
when your arrogance stoked up this fire
and told me I did not have strength to rise
when you were the one crawling all along.
Bjorn is hosting the first Poetry Form night of at the DVerse Poets Pub and he’s picked an old fling to throw up as the first challenge. While I played with sonnets years ago, I went off them in the same way I went off most fixed form poetry. However, anyone who’s been around this blog for the last few days will know that I’m trying to dip my toe back into that particular poetry pool so I was going to give this a fair shot.
One hour later I have what I hope is a presentable sonnet that goes against the assumption that sonnets are all about love. I wanted to give this old form a modern, feminist twist.
It deserves a little shaking up after all that twisting the rhyme scheme had me doing.
If you fancy joining in the form fun then click the badge above to check out Bjorn’s post and also to find the rest of the brave poets taking on sonnets for the evening.
Best of luck and I hope you enjoy.
Oh yes… this is a great way to use the sonnet.. with the last couplet delivering a perfect punchline…
Thanks Bjorn. I’ll admit I nearly gave tonight a miss when I saw the challenge but decided not to. I had to wrestle with this to avoid cramming in any old word just to meet a rhyme scheme.
Wow, Carol! I’m so glad you didn’t pass up this challenge/prompt! I love the way the whole sonnet turns on the tenth line with the word ‘But’.
Thank Kim, it was a bit of a pig to write but I got there. Started out as a whole different piece if I’m honest. Never done so much crossing out and starting over.
Think of it as therapy.
I like the build up, the story, one that is too common. The last line is made me cheer.
Thanks Mish. It is all too common and sometimes it feels likes it’s everywhere and impossible to escape
this resonates in my bones. you make it look easy
By no means easy I’ll say. I’m glad it struck a chord, for a poem that shifted completely in the writing it turned out okay
This was unsettling, but well written Carol. The weak feel the need to fominate to cover thrir insecurity.
I feel like unsettling is a good feeling to take away from this. Thanks for stopping by Rob.
Nice line: “But I kept count of those lies and those kisses”
Thank you Frank
So she asks us to ‘enjoy’ the poem! A bit much I should think. The subject matter is close to my heart, or sensibility should I say and no, I didn’t ‘enjoy’ reading it but of course I respect the rendering. And the volta.
love the power in every line, a resounding end with the last two lines
“knees pressed into your pelvis like stone fists,
your cold, clever lips there against my wrist”
is gorgeous and chilling. I love the alliteration and tension.
I LOVE those closing lines! Awesome!
Thank you. Those were perhaps the easiest lines to write in the whole poem.
This is so powerful….and to the collective he. It leaves me wondering if this is to all men…or if the man himself in the sonnet, has different sides to him. There is a definite change in attitude and resolve in the line that begins with “but” and in the realization in the final line. I feel, actually feel, this poem.
Thank you Lillian, I’m really glad. I’ve been lucky with the men I’ve let into my life, my husband (while a great lover of saying things he knows will set me off like a top) is my greatest support and closest friend. I’ve still had to deal with those moments where being a woman has somehow set me apart, and men have deemed me less because of it. It might not always be the men we let into our beds that push us down, but that doesn’t mean the effect isn’t just as personal.
Love it Carol – the erotic tug rope for power – feminine winning in the end.
Thank you. It turned out more powerful that I thought it was. Writing in a fixed form forced me to write a better poem in the end I think.
I think that is often true…it just feels so painful, lol.
The sibilance makes this hissingly good!
As with most things that go well in my poetry, not entirely intentional, but I will take full credit and thank you for the compliment. 😀
Well done, Carol! Love the ending.
Thank you 😀
Truth teller thou art, your heroine is finding her strength.
I like your anti-love sonnet very much! (Or anti false love, anyhow.) it’s pithy and full of energy. But don’t you mean ‘stoked’ rather than ‘stocked’ the fire? (Autocorrect strikes again?)
Corrected now. How has it taken almost a month for someone to point that out.