Snow In The Doorway
The snow has not melted just of yet it would appear,
crouched on the doorstep the last drift remains huddled here
crying itself into the gravel driveway fake by flake,
until this winter sun steals every single cold tear.
I think I kissed you once before, when we were both young,
before kisses meant things like I forgive you, or stung.
I think I kissed you because you were there to be kissed
and I did not know that your mouth was a trap to be sprung.
This week I’ve not written much due to being under the weather. I’ve got a virus that is slow to clear off and it’s making life a bit miserable if I’m honest. However, I wanted to make sure that I had a go at the DVerse Poets Pub Poetry Forms prompt as it’s an interesting project and it’s always good to stretch your poetic abilities with a challenge.
(Even if you do just want to curl up in a ball and ignore the world because your chest feels like a solid lump of gunk.)
This time round the prompt is The Rubaiyat, and you can find all the guidance for how these are written on the DVerse site which is linked to the logo above.
I wasn’t entirely happy with my first attempt, and only mildly more impressed with my second so this might be one that I traipse back to in a week or so to see if I can work my way around the form to write something a little less, well a little less meh. (It could also seem meh at the moment because I’m feeling meh but that should also clear off in a week or so.
In the meantime if you would like to join in with DVerse’s Poetry Forms series then make sure to check out their site and also check out the other wonderful poets trying their hands at fixed form. You might stumble across your new favourite style of poetry.
I think it’s hard to do this form without getting a bit Dr Seuss-y, and I kind of get why you feel a bit unenthused about your offerings. However, I think you nail the structure, they both flow really well, and there’s some really nice imagery in the first one. I really like the second one – the slightly world-worn voice is great, and the story it tells is great, too. Also, well done for writing when you feel crappy. There’s lots of time to come back to this, now that you understand how the form works.
Thank you Sarah, I appreciate the encouragement and the comments. Starting to feel a lot better now than I was earlier in the week so hopefully I can get back into the swing of things with my poetry.
Interesting idea at the end of the second one that the mouth ready to be kissed was a trap. Kissing is not without risk.
No it is not. Thanks for popping by Frank. 😀
hope you feel better soon.
love the second quatrain, kisses just because someone was there, some truths are hard to bear
Thank you. Starting to feel like I’m on the mend so hopefully I’ll be back to full strength in a couple of days. I’m glad you liked the poem.
I find your “Snow In The Doorway” absolutely wonderful Carol. The whole hiding snow crying into the gravel image was excellent! Well written! The second one about the kiss engaging.
Thank you Rob. I was a little worried the imagery in the first would come across as too sappy. I’m really glad you enjoyed them.
Winter just as cold here. Kisses are definitely a trap, smiles.
I’m certainly ready for the warmer weather to come back around.
Those Kisses being a trap… they do exist, and makes me think of honey traps.
Perhaps. Love can lead to such danger.
The image in the first quatrain is perfect for this time of year. The second quatrain is a universal message for the middle of February.
Thank you Astrid. I’d actually forgotten about valentines day but it’s a nice link to the time of year.
Definitely liked the second quatrain better. Had more oomph, i.e. less meh!
The personification of the snow in the first one is delightful. I also enjoyed the second one for it’s image at the end….perfect!
like the first poem
Thank you very much.
These lines stood out for me:
I think I kissed you once before, when we were both young/ before kisses meant things like I forgive you, or stung
There is so much truth in these.
I love it when people comment on older poems and I get to go back and read them because I genuinely forget some of the things I’ve written.
I’m really glad to hear that you found some truth in these words.
I looks forward to getting to know your blog.