When you arrived as the snowdrops melted,
pressed cherry blossom to my breast,
told me love is like a flower in bloom,
already closer to an end than the start.
Pressed cherry blossom to my breast,
found thorns that left their marks,
already closer to an end than the start
when sorrow grew from these seeds.
Found thorns that left their marks,
taught me how to cut out dead wood,
when sorrow grew from these seeds
pruning became vital to overall survival.
Taught me how to cut out dead wood,
told me love is like a flower in bloom,
pruning became vital to overall survival
when you arrived as the snowdrops melted.
this is beautiful Carol, using the blooms to indicate a season, hinting at the sad season left behind and one of renewal ahead. i like your theme so very much, the cherry blossoms add the colour and warmth. your interlocking lines are strong and carries the story in the poem though your lines aren’t rhyming in an original pantoum style. thank you for participating, this was a delight to read.
Thank you Gina. I’m going to try again to write one that rhymes but I was worried the form might strangle a poem with the repetition of lines forcing the poet to reuse lines that didn’t fit so I wanted to test the waters so to speak. Turned out better than expected.
the repetition seems to hold the poets back, i have seen this comment across the poetry trail. but some tackle it with a subtle change in punctuation and also switching up of words that works. you did well Carol! looking forward to your next one!
You had me at /when sorrow grew from these seeds/. It quacked like a pantoum;,though the rhyming was more free of the classic restraints; smile
I’m going to have another go at one to try and work in the rhyming. This was more an attempt at making sure I could write it within the structure without losing the poem.
I think this is lovely in its romanticism, and the first/last line is beautifully evocative.
Thank you Rosemary, I’m really glad you enjoyed it. I tried really hard to pick lines that both carried on from the last and still stood alone.
Nice line: “told me love is like a flower in bloom,”
Thank you Frank.
Oh my…..you’ve used the metaphor of the flower in bloom…closer to the end than the beginning, so very well here. A story of new but doomed love. Well done within the form – so well that I am caught up in the story here, rather than the form. The circle round to the ending line is perfect.
Yes! That is exactly what I was hoping to hear Lillian.
This was lovely and touching Carol! The sprouting sadness brought bitter sweetness to the piece. Well written…
Thank you Rob. (and thank you for not mentioning that I’ve ignored the proper rhyme scheme.)
Lovely poem, Carol!
I like how you used the metaphor, and the interlocking lines to carry it through in pantoum form (thought without the rhyme, as others have mentioned).
If I’m honest, the form seemed like a daunting one to write without loosing the poem to the structure so I was trying to focus on that. I’m going to have a crack at another with the rhyme scheme but I was trying to tackle one challenge at a time. 😀
So true, love is like a flower in bloom which, over time, needs judicious pruning. Well said!
Thank you Sherry. Well said yourself. 😀
Apologies for late reading, Carol, but I’ve been off radar with my daughter and poorly grandson. I’m home again now and trying to catch up!
I love the freshness of your pantoum and the thought of someone arriving as the snowdrops melted is beautiful, especially as our snowdrops have just faded away and we are waiting for our cherry tree to blossom. Well done for bringing it full circle.
No need for apologies Kim. Happy to see you no matter the timings. I hope your grandson is doing better, family illness is never pleasant.
The cherry blossom is out already here, and the blackthorn is out in full force. If you take the bypass past Shrewsbury in Shropshire it’s like confetti showering the road.
I’ve seen hawthorn, magnolia and other blossoms around here and it is wonderful!
This is a sharp, thorny poem and I love the line ‘Taught me how to cut our dead wood’ Wish someone had taught me that! You handle the form well as it echoes and flows with some great lines.
That was my favourite line I think. It’s a skill we all learn a little later than we’d like I think.