Did you hear me say ‘I love you’ last night?
when I left the kiss of it on your skin
and curled my hands into claws oh so tight
wondered who led who, into all this sin.
Wondered if sin was what we’re really in
then lost the edge of my thought on your lips
found it again in the dips of your hips,
tried to tell you, that you were everything
the only one I trust when this mask slips
a lover, a partner, my rock, my life spring.
Tonight’s form challenge is a Dizain. A ten line poem with ten syllables per line and a rhyme scheme that follows the pattern ababbccdcd.
Carol J Forrester 
Such a stunning Unspoken Confession, Carol. I especially love the lines:
‘when I left the kiss of it on your skin
and curled my hands into claws oh so tight
wondered who led who, into all this sin’
and the phrase ‘lost the edge of my thought on your lips’ – sublime!
Thank you Kim, I’m so glad you enjoyed it, I always find form such a challenge so it’s nice when it turns out well.
I agree, form is a challenge, but it’s necessary for developing writing skills. Some forms I find laborious, some too close to doggerel, and others just blow my mind. I quite like this one.
It’s quite a nice one and it’s easy enough to wrap your head round. Some I find so rigid and complicated that I feel like I’m solving an equation rather than writing a poem and just get frustrated.
I like how you merge the two parts of it, switch in rhyme, switch in direction, and it sounds conversational, not stilted.
I think you got the rhyme pattern a bit twisted in the last two lines btw. This was a tough one. Mine came out sounding as though I was trying to write Elizabethan English.
Swapped the last two lines round to fix it
Bingo!
Nice last line. The one trust when the mask slips.
Had to change it to the penultimate line to fix the rhyme scheme
I like the title and how you made it manifest in your diquain.
Thank you. I often write the titles last so the poem tends to dictate what I’ll call it.
You are welcome.
A lovely write, and I agree you gave the form some energy when you made it conversational. Romantic with a tinge of morality; spicy.
Thank you Glenn, I’m glad I managed to give the poem some energy.
Carol, a beautiful profession of love. Bravo!
Thank you. 😀
I think this is brilliant. I love the eroticism, and the love.
Reading the comments above about having to swap your original last two lines to get the rhyme scheme right, I can see that your original would have been an even stronger finish – but only very slightly, as it’s strong this way too, so it was a good solution.
Thank you Rosemary. Typical of me to get mismatched by the end and I was a little sad to lose the first ending, but it still works, so I’m content to let it lie.
Great confession. Lovely poem.
Thank you.
Lovely poem!
Thank you very much.
This was warm, intimate, and a bit wonderfully whimsically erotic. Enjoyed this Carol — good stuff!
Thank you Rob. It’s always nice to work in a bit of whimsy now and again, especially after the heaviness of Tuesday prompt.
Ah. The love and the surrender to be vulnerable. Well written and a heartfelt dizain, Carol!
Thank you, I’m glad you enjoyed it.
Really nice piece. Honest and raw with a touch off love. Perfect!
Thank you. I’ve been trying to be a lot more honest in my poetry over the last couple of years.
It takes guts, doesn’t it? But once you start, it feels cathartic! At least it’s that way for me.
The quality of my poetry has gone up too. I got the manuscript of my poetry collection back today and the feedback has been so good. I think being braver and more honest has made me a much better poet.
Really enjoyed this. It is a shame, however, that sin and skin rhyme. So sad that they are thought of together in our remnant Victoria minds. Made me wonder why this had to be a sin.
Links between words can often be odd, and out upbringing often influences how we link things. Writing poetry quite often helps me question how I think about things.
I think you’ve used the structure really well here. It doesn’t feel like a structured poem, it flows very naturally, lots of great phrasing.
Thank you Sarah. I’m glad it comes across that way
To bare it all it must be worth the “sin”
Much❤🕊❤love
Beautifully written; I like how the actions speak here.
Thank you, I’m glad you enjoyed the poem.