Poetry
Comments 37

Unspoken Confession #DVersePoets #PoetryFormNight

Did you hear me say ‘I love you’ last night?

when I left the kiss of it on your skin

and curled my hands into claws oh so tight

wondered who led who, into all this sin.

Wondered if sin was what we’re really in

then lost the edge of my thought on your lips

found it again in the dips of your hips,

tried to tell you, that you were everything

the only one I trust when this mask slips

a lover, a partner, my rock, my life spring.

 

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Tonight’s form challenge is a Dizain. A ten line poem with ten syllables per line and a rhyme scheme that follows the pattern ababbccdcd.

 

 

 

This entry was posted in: Poetry

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Carol Forrester is a writer trying to be a better one. She’s currently working on a poetry collection 'It's All In The Blood'. She has a 2:1 BA degree in history from Bath Spa University, enjoys judo at least twice a week, and tries to attend poetry events around the Midlands when she can. Her flash fiction story ‘Glorious Silence’ was named as River Ram Press’ short story of the month for August 2014 and her short story ‘A Visit From The Fortune Teller’ has been showcased on the literary site Ink Pantry. Her poems ‘Sunsets’ and ‘Clear Out‘ were featured on Eyes Plus Words, and two of her poems were included in the DVerse Poets Pub Publication ‘Chiaroscuro’ which is available for purchase on amazon. More recently her poem ‘Until The Light Gets In‘ was accepted and published at The Drabble and her poem ‘Newborn’ was published by Ink Sweat & Tears. She has been lucky enough to write guest posts for sites such as Inky Tavern and Song of The Forlorn and has hosted a number of guest bloggers on her site Writing and Works.

37 Comments

  1. Such a stunning Unspoken Confession, Carol. I especially love the lines:
    ‘when I left the kiss of it on your skin
    and curled my hands into claws oh so tight
    wondered who led who, into all this sin’
    and the phrase ‘lost the edge of my thought on your lips’ – sublime!

      • I agree, form is a challenge, but it’s necessary for developing writing skills. Some forms I find laborious, some too close to doggerel, and others just blow my mind. I quite like this one.

        • It’s quite a nice one and it’s easy enough to wrap your head round. Some I find so rigid and complicated that I feel like I’m solving an equation rather than writing a poem and just get frustrated.

  2. I like how you merge the two parts of it, switch in rhyme, switch in direction, and it sounds conversational, not stilted.
    I think you got the rhyme pattern a bit twisted in the last two lines btw. This was a tough one. Mine came out sounding as though I was trying to write Elizabethan English.

  3. Glenn A. Buttkus says

    A lovely write, and I agree you gave the form some energy when you made it conversational. Romantic with a tinge of morality; spicy.

  4. I think this is brilliant. I love the eroticism, and the love.

    Reading the comments above about having to swap your original last two lines to get the rhyme scheme right, I can see that your original would have been an even stronger finish – but only very slightly, as it’s strong this way too, so it was a good solution.

    • Thank you Rosemary. Typical of me to get mismatched by the end and I was a little sad to lose the first ending, but it still works, so I’m content to let it lie.

        • The quality of my poetry has gone up too. I got the manuscript of my poetry collection back today and the feedback has been so good. I think being braver and more honest has made me a much better poet.

  5. Really enjoyed this. It is a shame, however, that sin and skin rhyme. So sad that they are thought of together in our remnant Victoria minds. Made me wonder why this had to be a sin.

    • Links between words can often be odd, and out upbringing often influences how we link things. Writing poetry quite often helps me question how I think about things.

  6. I think you’ve used the structure really well here. It doesn’t feel like a structured poem, it flows very naturally, lots of great phrasing.

  7. gillena cox says

    To bare it all it must be worth the “sin”

    Much❤🕊❤love

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