‘Eddie! Stay awake!’
‘Ah- what the’ Eddie flinched forward, the back of his skull throbbing where it had cracked against heating pipes. ‘Come on Gripes,’ he groaned. ‘What’s your problem.’
‘You know what!,’ Gripes scowled. He was crouched down in front of Eddie, his phone light throwing his shadow along the length of the corridor.. ‘His shadow shouts on a nightmare scream, remember! You go to sleep and we’re both in big trouble.’
‘That’s just a story Gripes. No one believes it.’
The torch on Gripes phone flickered. Eddie plucked it out of his hands and switched it off.
Darkness swallowed Gripes’ face, but Eddie could smell his breath.
‘Erg mate, you need to lay off the cheese and onion.’
The darkness stayed quite but Gripes’ breathing picked up. He placed his hand on Eddie’s knee.
‘Ed,’ he whispered. ‘You need to wake up!’
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Published by Carol J Forrester
Carol J Forrester is a writer and a history geek. Her debut collection 'It's All In The Blood' came out November 2019.
She has a 2:1 BA degree in history from Bath Spa University, enjoys judo at least twice a week, and tries to attend poetry events around the Midlands when she can.
Her flash fiction story ‘Glorious Silence’ was named as River Ram Press’ short story of the month for August 2014 and her short story ‘A Visit From The Fortune Teller’ has been showcased on the literary site Ink Pantry. Her poems ‘Sunsets’ and ‘Clear Out‘ were featured on Eyes Plus Words, and two of her poems were included in the DVerse Poets Pub Publication ‘Chiaroscuro’ which is available for purchase on amazon.Her poem ‘Until The Light Gets In‘ was accepted and published at The Drabble and her poem ‘Newborn’ was published by Ink Sweat & Tears.
She has been lucky enough to write guest posts for sites such as Inky Tavern and Song of The Forlorn and has hosted a number of guest bloggers on her site Writing and Works.
View all posts by Carol J Forrester
I love how you drive the story through dialogue. I wonder what is happening here, but I imagine two bums living on illusions.
Very well done! Everyone out here on the trail are hitting home runs tonight. It’s like watching several episodes of ALFRED HITCHCOCK PRESENTS, with a touch of THE TWILIGHT ZONE, where I’d place your piece. Ed will wake, but the question is to what?
This is a bit of a puzzle within an enigma within a conundrum. What happens after the knee touch, we’re all lost in imagination!
Whoa, leaving us with an excellent mystery!
I am confused, is Gripez and Eddie 2 enterties or one in the other. Or left to my opining
Be safe
Much💟live
The Twilight Zone is right…I can hear those voices. good one. (K)
Great use of dialogue to tell a story. This feels like the start of a classic horror movie. I love the use of the phone, too, puts us right in the here and now.
I enjoyed your eerie two-hander, Carol, and agree with Björn about the use of dialogue. I also like the way you used the prompt line, which suggests to me that the characters are on a dare in a haunted house, a legend of a ghost that haunts your dreams., and the cliffhanger – what happens to Eddie and Gripes?
Ooh you got us wondering what will happen next!