You and your dim accuracy,
head lolled loose
eyes whitened and widened
till the pupils blink out.
Words come clipped,
ransomed love letters
read like shopping lists,
or obituaries.
Call this a grey life,
the air sucked clear
your mouth a pursed funnel,
but I
am the culprit.
Found the bruises of your hands,
like marble sponge,
cold as stone
the heat slipping over you
without warming.
In the well shade you sit
while I sink deeper, darker
for the waterline.
Come up spitting dust
and excuses.
Shoulder a shallow cloak
of indifference,
already the hem unpicked
by those grasping hands
always tapping
rapping
at the weakest point.
Feel them at my temples
tonight, tomorrow, today,
at the weakest point
always tapping away.
Ah, I’m really hoping I got this right. The five Samuel Greenberg charms that I used for my response are as follows: dim accuracy / grey life / marble sponge / the well shade / shallow cloak. I tried to emulate Greenberg’s abstract style (though not quite as drastically as he employs the abstract).
Carol J Forrester 
You got this more than right Carol and thank you for joining in- you have used the ‘charms’ so beautifully and added some sensational ones of your own so that it all blends so well. Goodness these lines have such impact!
“ransomed love letters
read like shopping lists,
or obituaries.”
I like that image of the cloak with the hem already unpicked.
To use the charms and make them into this story about a destructive relationship… I wish you could sail away from the grasp of those empty love-letters’ hold.
What can I say, Carol? Sharp intake of breath… The image in the opening lines is disconcerting as is the atmosphere that stretches like dust and skin over the rest of the poem. These lines made me sit up:
‘Words come clipped,
ransomed love letters
read like shopping lists,
or obituaries’
and I felt the despair of someone in a loveless relationship, which was confirmed in
‘Shoulder a shallow cloak
of indifference,
already the hem unpicked
by those grasping hands’.
‘Shoulder a shallow cloak
of indifference’
That’s a great line, so much inferred in a few words, it’s all a wonderful creation, very well done. I simply enjoyed it.
This prompt really brought out some wonderful poems out here on the trail. Greenberg’s darkness, like Ginsberg’s lustful madness, overshadows all of our words and our attempts at emulating his troubled spirit. ‘Call this a grey life, the air sucked clear, your mouth a pursed funnel.” caught my attention.
Thank you Glenn. I’m glad to hear those lines caught your attention, it can be difficult to judge how well something will land when you’re writing, but I really liked that bit.
Beautifully disturbing imagery in this, Carol!
I hear echoes of Poe in your poem about a tortured and fraught relationship. It is very potent and startling, great work!
Thank you. I’ve not actually read much in the way of Poe’s work, I should probably get round to it at some point.
So much to appreciate here, Carol. I’m not going to pull out an individual image, there’s too much. The overall mood and intensity pulled me in hard.
Thank you Sarah, I’m glad you enjoyed it.
The charms are so seamlessly, so exquisitely woven! I loved every word! 🌹💝
Late to the reading….apologies.
The charms themselves disappear in the story of this amazing write. These lines most especially stirred my emotions;
“Shoulder a shallow cloak
of indifference,
already the hem unpicked
by those grasping hands
always tapping
rapping
at the weakest point.
Feel them at my temples
tonight, tomorrow, today,
at the weakest point
always tapping away.”
The repetition here of words, of consonants…so powerful.