Memory

Tonight I’ll listen.
For the familiar creak
Of old floorboards
Under returning feet.

I’ll wait to hear
That familiar sigh,
As the bedroom door
Opens wide.

For the grumbling springs
To protest at you
My aching heart
Reaching for yours too.

As my fingers stretch
Hesitantly out
Creeping towards you
Scared to make a sound.

In case you disappear.
Just drift away
As you do each morning
With the breaking of the day.

Loyalty

I could lie.
Say that I didn’t cry.
Didn’t scream
Or curse
Screech at the sky!

I could lie.
Say that I was cold.
Like ice
No feeling
No hurt in my soul.

But I don’t lie.
I speak my mind.
The truth
Those lies
They’re left over from you!

I did scream
And yell and shout.
Broke this
Broke that
Smashed stuff about.

Then I stopped.
I calmed and stepped back.
Breathed
Collected
Realised I didn’t really care.

So came the change.
I chopped my hair short.
Went shopping
Bought shoes
Created a whole new look for me.

Then kicked open the door!
Strode straight out
Smiling
Proud
Without you anywhere about!

With my best friends!
Who hung on to my arms
Protecting
Warding
Me from anymore of your harm!

They stuck with me
And you really hated them!
Inseparable
Loyal
You’re nothing like that!

I’ve got them,
And they’ll always have me
So go
Turn away
I’ve got all that I need!

Eternity

Why are you here?
Not that I’m sad you came!
But…
If you’re here…
Then you’re not there.
Am I making any sense?

I lived my life.
And I lived it well.
Oh!
Those stories…
All the adventures!
The anecdotes I could tell!

But you wouldn’t hear.
My mouth is dumb.
Sealed,
My tongue stuck,
Incapable of words.
Just my luck.

Yet still you stand.
Those fingers that I know,
Withered,
Yet still gentle…
As they once were,
When you first held my hand.

But you should leave.
Even if I’m sorry that you go.
But…
If you’re here…
You’re not there!
It seems mad I know.

But when you’re there,
Then so am I!
Living.
Meeting new people,
Exploring soil not trod,
Unknown around the bend!

See did I not tell you?
I’m sure that I did?
Me?
I never truly lived life.
Was hiding in the dark.
Until I felt your kiss!

So go and tell new people,
All about your wife,
How…
She met you one afternoon,
Down some dusty lane
And found fresh life.

Please don’t stop living
Just because I’m gone.
You see
I’m still hanging in here
Not yet quite ready,
Prepared to move on.

Then when its time
For you to bid farewell.
I’ll meet you halfway.
We’ll take the trip together
And speak of how we lived life,
How we lived it well.
And all those things I forgot?
We’ll have forever to tell.

Delaying

I suppose you’ll forget me at some point,
Just, can it be not quite yet?
Let me linger just a little longer still
In these memories you kept.
They never said that it was simple.
Life that is I mean.
We were never given hand guides
How boring would that have been!
We forged out own way through time,
Through the jungles of mess.
Stumbling through both love and hurt,
Then of course all the rest.
So I’ll suppose we’ll all forget at some point,
The adventures we had.
Living in the madness of life
Experiencing both the good and bad.
But can we wait just a little longer please?
Let me have just a sec
To relive just one more memory,
Before its time to forget.
You see I’m scared of what’s next.
I’ve never been there before,
No one really knows
What lies beyond death’s door.

Confusion

It’s weird.
But I feel…
If I write it down
Then maybe…
Maybe…
It will be more real.
Because you!
You’re safe.
You’re constant
You’re sanity!
My sanity!
No questions asked
Or confusion
Or false reliance.
You don’t expect…
Expect me…
To be anything,
Anything at all,
Except for me.

But I don’t think…
No it can’t…
Love?
Not us?
See you’re safe,
You’re sanity.
We’re best friends
That’s you and me!
So please.
Don’t say,
You want more.
Don’t wait,
Don’t knock
On that locked door.
I guess…
In some ways…
In some,
I love you.
But as a friend,
And only as.
But in that!
That way!
I cannot…
Could not…
Love you more.

So don’t say love.
No.
We’re not that.
See love can be fleeting,
But us?
We’re build to last.