All posts tagged: depression

NaPoWriMo – Day Nine: The Elephant Ant

You were the elephant in the room apparently. The black seething mass of storm clouds clustered over this house keeping daylight out and darkness in.   Each room creaking under the pressure of keeping you contained when every corner was filled to bursting and the foundations heaved and the windows splintered and even the roof tiles popped free one by one in the hopes you could be bled away.   You covered everything past, present, future. Who could have blamed me for those days I molded the mattress to the shape of a collapsing spine, when it was your weight cursing every vertabrea, turning my duvet to lead.   Your collapse was so much slower, a reluctance I’d failed to show when my strength shed like snake skin and you took it for your own, as a reminder that you couldn’t be vanquished, only temporarily tamed.   Recently, you fit inside a matchbox. The size of an ant, I carry you from place to place in pocket or purse, near enough to feel you scurrie …

The Blue Days

Some days the curtains won’t close tight enough, the mattress won’t sink deep enough and despite clutching at the duvet, pinning it around desperate limbs, drafts still snake their way in. On those days it doesn’t matter how tight I screw my eyes shut, the light is always there behind my lids, prickling, waiting, demanding that I emerge and acknowledge it. Those were the days I didn’t leave my bed. The ones I missed class and didn’t explain why. A time I don’t ignore, but I still can’t name in confidence. I let it sit in my memory like storm clouds on a horizon, not close enough to worry on, but a reminder that the sun doesn’t always shine and I haven’t always managed to smile instead of cry.

Daily Prompt: Harmonize

We’re not always in harmony you and I. Some days my notes fall flat, slip down the stanzas, don’t match the tempo thumping on right next to me. When I feel you vibrating in my bones, so close it almost hurts, yet my own sounds come out as broken scratching things my throat aches to match you. My lungs burn to swell and bellow. To reach the stage you’re standing on unaware I’ve sunk behind the curtain. But I know I have to wait the darkness out. Fight to find the spotlight again.   via Daily Prompt: Harmonize I’ve not really been writing over the last few months so I’m not sure how this poem will go down. I might be a bit rusty. For some reason I just haven’t been able to sit down and write properly for most of 2017 so I’m hoping this post will mark the start of getting myself back into the habit of getting those words down on paper and doing something with my time. Constructive criticism is always …

“Why does this writer not get more views?”

Have you ever asked yourself that question? I would have thought that it would be a common one to crop up, especially if you’re someone like me spending infinite amounts of time trawling through websites such as Deviant Art, WordPress.com and Fanfiction.net. I have even been on the receiving end of astonishment from some. Random comments cropping up on whatever piece I’ve recently published, on whichever site I’m using, the author bamboozled by the fact my stats have never really taken off at any great rate.  Now I know I can write, it’s taken some time for me to listen to the insistant voices in my ears, (namely one of my best friends Jad) but I’ll now admit that I can write pretty dam well. I just haven’t achieved large numbers of readers. The thing is, I find it bothers me more when I find incredible writing by other people and the reading stats are low. When my own stats plummet, I’m fairly comfortable in the knowledge that there are a group of people out …